Sunday, January 29, 2012

Secrets of The Dark

Social media allows us to have 24/7 access into the lives of family and friends. It has allowed me to peak intimately into the lives of people I was myself a child with and watch their children be born, grow and flourish. My own daughter is a "social media" baby, as I pretty much kept myself distracted during my 30 hour labor by posting and reading Facebook.

After perusing great family shots of special events and daily life, I wondered what goes on behind closed doors. What are the lives of people REALLY like? There are so many late nights where I realize the changes of my life as a result of becoming a mother and having to care for my family. Last Friday night the magnitude of being responsible for another person's life was a bit overwhelming for me and brought me to tears as my child lay sleeping peacefully next to me. "How am I going to keep this all going?" Private school, extra curricular classes, social events, travel, a beautiful home, food, heat...yes I tend to get very granular with my thoughts. Why did I not become a mother earlier so that I could both enjoy more time and better provide for my child. My mind flooded with insecurities, doubt and fear. These are the thoughts of inadequacy that prompt parents to abandon their families. 

Then after a very brief cry, and a drink of some water, I moved her over and laid down. Through deep breathing and listening to her sleeping breath I found peace (just when you feel like they shouldn't be sleeping in your bed anymore). My daughter has the amazing quality of stirring me up and calming me down all at once. Watching her sleep gave me peace and resolve. There is an unshakable faith we as mothers must always possess. The knowledge that no matter what you will make it work out for your child/ren. There will be many ups and downs in this journey. In the darkness, we all know our truth.

It is my contention that my life would not have played out the way it has if it weren't supposed to be this way. You are responsible for everything that happens to you in your life. Selfishness precluded me from having a child earlier in life. I am most grateful to have the clarity and patience to be able to give my child all that she needs and wants. I pray that we continue to have all the abundance and more that we enjoy daily. It will forever be my intention to provide her with the best life has to offer in its entirety. My wish is the same for you and yours!



  1. Hope you don't mind I shared this article on my facebook and twitter. Loved it mama!

  2. Of course I dont mind! I literally write this stuff post bed time for my daughter. So I wonder if I am not just cyber-babbling half the time. And when I see no comments, I figure "well its been a good outlet so keep going" but I am happy to see you here. Follow me on Twitter as well @40plusbabies