Sunday, January 29, 2012

Secrets of The Dark

Social media allows us to have 24/7 access into the lives of family and friends. It has allowed me to peak intimately into the lives of people I was myself a child with and watch their children be born, grow and flourish. My own daughter is a "social media" baby, as I pretty much kept myself distracted during my 30 hour labor by posting and reading Facebook.

After perusing great family shots of special events and daily life, I wondered what goes on behind closed doors. What are the lives of people REALLY like? There are so many late nights where I realize the changes of my life as a result of becoming a mother and having to care for my family. Last Friday night the magnitude of being responsible for another person's life was a bit overwhelming for me and brought me to tears as my child lay sleeping peacefully next to me. "How am I going to keep this all going?" Private school, extra curricular classes, social events, travel, a beautiful home, food, heat...yes I tend to get very granular with my thoughts. Why did I not become a mother earlier so that I could both enjoy more time and better provide for my child. My mind flooded with insecurities, doubt and fear. These are the thoughts of inadequacy that prompt parents to abandon their families. 

Then after a very brief cry, and a drink of some water, I moved her over and laid down. Through deep breathing and listening to her sleeping breath I found peace (just when you feel like they shouldn't be sleeping in your bed anymore). My daughter has the amazing quality of stirring me up and calming me down all at once. Watching her sleep gave me peace and resolve. There is an unshakable faith we as mothers must always possess. The knowledge that no matter what you will make it work out for your child/ren. There will be many ups and downs in this journey. In the darkness, we all know our truth.

It is my contention that my life would not have played out the way it has if it weren't supposed to be this way. You are responsible for everything that happens to you in your life. Selfishness precluded me from having a child earlier in life. I am most grateful to have the clarity and patience to be able to give my child all that she needs and wants. I pray that we continue to have all the abundance and more that we enjoy daily. It will forever be my intention to provide her with the best life has to offer in its entirety. My wish is the same for you and yours!


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

What You Choose To Expose Them To!

Something short and sweet! Today, we started Mandarin class for kids and I met the nicest mother. Its interesting what parents decide to expose their children to, that was the focus of our discussion. Here her son is 7 years old, clearly bi-racial, and he has already traveled the world extensively. He was extremely intelligent, well mannered and I found him to be a very caring little boy. He instantly went into "protect" mode with my daughter when the kid's finished class. His mother shared her background with me and I was so pleased to learn of the differences and commonalities in our child rearing experiences. 
As for my daughter, I had to lie to get her into the class. She is two and I told the school she is three because Lord knows the child acts like she is 25. I decided a long time ago that the "velcro" approach to throwing her into as much as I can and seeing what sticks is the direction we have to go in until we have more clear focus. Whatever needs to be done to expose her to the best education and activities is the focus we, as her parents, are committed to provide. So far I am enjoying watching my little "sponge" flourish in so many directions. We have made many viable friendships and she continues to learn and enrich her experience.Tomorrow we will be in art class!

I consider it an honor and a great omen that my daughter would start Chinese School on the Chinese New Year and that this is the Year of the Dragon! It all resonates deeply in her foundation as the great person I am grooming her to be. Zài Jiàn and good night!


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Loving All Mommies

As I sit, drive, do bath time, etc. I have been thinking about all the different mothers that I know and their respective journeys. This morning, the subject of adoption stuck out for me. My good friend Julie Young is a beautiful Korean American mother of amazing twins. She has shared her story and really shed a great deal of light on the issues surrounding adoption from such and intimate and personal perspective. Check out her journey on 

40plusbabies is about the sharing of motherhood. This experience that has completely changed our lives and how we navigate. In so many ways Julie's perspective as a mother and an adoptee highlights the love, commitment, the challenges and fortitude of this life's experience. Supporting her is a pleasure I am happy to share!


2012 New Year, New Inspiration

Wow! Yes, its another wonderful year!! Mind you, the first month of 2012 is half over and I am just making the first post of the year. Chalk it up to busy mommidom! Okay so a brief recap of the last few months. My partner's daughter just celebrated her first birthday!  Happy Birthday Princess!!! Here is the most amazing part, as if turning "1" year old isnt enough, our miracle baby has breezed through the first year rather effortlessly. Her mother knows better than I, but as a close witness I have watched her blossom from an extremely tiny infant into a vibrant and robust baby girl! So proud of our 40plusbaby!!!

As for my shining star she is a world-wind at 2 years old. I simply refuse to get into the "oh she is 2 and a half now" of it all. That was so last year with the "she is 17 weeks". I dont remember being that mom, but who knows its possible that at one time I may have been that cheesy. My girl is running fast into 3 years old in a few months. She is awesome, intense, smart, and simply hilarious. I never knew a person could have this much personality before the age of 5, sin "Rudy Huxtable. If you are a friend and follow my Facebook posts you have first hand witness the antics, quips and great photographic accounts of my little "minion"!

The interesting part of this portion of the journey is the fierce independence we are both craving. She wants to do so many things on her own. I feel myself squeezing her tighter and tighter every chance I get because I see my baby growing so fast that I can't blink. As well, I am also catching glimpses of my old self. Getting a few more restful nights (this not being one of them) and feeling like I can get on back to who I am to a certain degree or explore who I have become more.

Not being one for a resolute approach, I am clear that given my age and the fact that it will continue to progress, I have a little one to keep up with. Thus the commitment to change my physical, mental and spiritual approach to it all is in progress. In an interview today I was asked "what motivates you?", my answer shocked even me. "Laziness!" I am so clear on the effects of being lazy, that I realize for the life I deserve; and to make sure my daughter doesn't inherit a century old lineage of being sedentary, laziness is not an option.

Socially, January means a new beginning. For this 40plusMommy it has to be about beginning new patterns and commitments. Kiss your babies for me!

Also check out my new sister-friend's amazing website for fabulous Moms!