Spring is here! Ideally it is always the preparation precursor time for Summer. The weather has been interesting here in NYC. In March, we had unseasonably hot weather. The panic of not having my daughter's "warm weather" gear in place loomed. True to my nature, I went into mass shop/recycle (that discussion is touched upon in the Your Journey page) mode. As the month progressed and April hit, some arctic experience that we haven't had all winter is ever-present. We literally are wearing wool coats and hats again.
As I go through the closets, my daughter's as well as my own, I realize that I can NO LONGER use the "I just had a baby" line for the state of my current outward appearance. Granted nothing fits well anymore. Thank God for the JCrew Perfect Tee shirt obsession I have had for years otherwise my wardrobe would consist of hefty bags and Ugg Boots. During the renovation of my home I had to strip my closet bare and put all of my clothing into bins/boxes where they continue to reside to this day. I have completely organized my daughter's wardrobe and sorted out she can no longer be wear. So her closet is in a good place. Hooray for that! My closet unfortunately looks like some television report about one of those bombed out countries with debris (yes I said DEBRIS) everywhere.
The interesting thing about youth is the arrogance associated with your future. When you were younger, how many of us looked at women with children, prior to having any, and said "she looks crazy, that will never be me". Hey, hey, hey now! As an admitted "faller off-er" (yes that is an actual term I made up) I see how being a mother coupled with being an "adult" can lend to a lack of regard for the superficial. Is this denial? Laziness? Or just pure being overwhelmed and tired? I submit, its a combination of many things. Kids require a lot, that is an understatement. For me its been the mental block of "getting myself together". Every month for 3 years I have been starting something...yoga....running...a diet...a cleanse...the list is endless. Then I allowed a friend to convince me that I may be post-postpartum. REALLY?!?! The kid just turned 3, if I'm not over it by now I need to go see Oprah or Dr. Oz! Not to make light of those feelings of anxiety and depression associated with postpartum ailments.
Finally, last night an epiphany! As my quiet moment of solace was interrupted by my three year old crying because she wet the bed (nighttime potty training is the worst) and I haggardly ran my fat behind up two flights of stairs, only for the child to then proceed to pee on me. It came to me in a warm sensation (no not the pee pee). It was the realization that I am resenting the lost of all that I thought made me fabulous. My Mojo has been stolen! Clearly, the violated feeling that is associated with that has been extremely unpleasant. After cleaning her and everything up, I went to my Facebook page and looked at old pics. Ahh the memories of the clearer skin, a flatter stomach and tighter pants (by choice, not necessity). Making the comparison to the old me versus who I am now, I have to say was shall we say....enlightening! Yes lets be kind wont we.
Today, a bit more perspective was in order. Simply, if your mind is vacant your body and reality will show that emptiness. Comparing the present to the past is truly a worthless endeavor. Thus the responsibility for the current state of mental, spiritual and physical is mine alone to shoulder. The only person who stole my Mojo is me! Well, as I grow up just a little more, I am going to have to kindly demand it back. Dare I say an enhanced version is truly in order. Stay tuned!!!!