Thursday, April 26, 2012

Where's My Mojo- She Stoled My Mojo

Spring is here! Ideally it is always the preparation precursor time for Summer. The weather has been interesting here in NYC. In March, we had unseasonably hot weather. The panic of not having my daughter's "warm weather" gear in place loomed. True to my nature, I went into mass shop/recycle (that discussion is touched upon in the Your Journey page) mode. As the month progressed and April hit, some arctic experience that we haven't had all winter is ever-present. We literally are wearing wool coats and hats again.

As I go through the closets, my daughter's as well as my own, I realize that I can NO LONGER use the "I just had a baby" line for the state of my current outward appearance. Granted nothing fits well anymore. Thank God for the JCrew Perfect Tee shirt obsession I have had for years otherwise my wardrobe would consist of hefty bags and Ugg Boots. During the renovation of my home I had to strip my closet bare and put all of my clothing into bins/boxes where they continue to reside to this day. I have completely organized my daughter's wardrobe and sorted out she can no longer be wear. So her closet is in a good place. Hooray for that! My closet unfortunately looks like some television report about one of those bombed out countries with debris (yes I said DEBRIS) everywhere.

The interesting thing about youth is the arrogance associated with your future. When you were younger, how many of us looked at women with children, prior to having any, and said "she looks crazy, that will never be me". Hey, hey, hey now! As an admitted "faller off-er" (yes that is an actual term I made up) I see how being a mother coupled with being an "adult" can lend to a lack of regard for the superficial. Is this denial? Laziness? Or just pure being overwhelmed and tired? I submit, its a combination of many things. Kids require a lot, that is an understatement. For me its been the mental block of "getting myself together". Every month for 3 years I have been starting diet...a cleanse...the list is endless. Then I allowed a friend to convince me that I may be post-postpartum. REALLY?!?! The kid just turned 3, if I'm not over it by now I need to go see Oprah or Dr. Oz! Not to make light of those feelings of anxiety and depression associated with postpartum ailments.

Finally, last night an epiphany! As my quiet moment of solace was interrupted by my three year old crying because she wet the bed (nighttime potty training is the worst) and I haggardly ran my fat behind up two flights of stairs, only for the child to then proceed to pee on me. It came to me in a warm sensation (no not the pee pee). It was the realization that I am resenting the lost of all that I thought made me fabulous. My Mojo has been stolen! Clearly, the violated feeling that is associated with that has been extremely unpleasant. After cleaning her and everything up, I went to my Facebook page and looked at old pics. Ahh the memories of the clearer skin, a flatter stomach and tighter pants (by choice, not necessity). Making the comparison to the old me versus who I am now, I have to say was shall we say....enlightening! Yes lets be kind wont we.

Today, a bit more perspective was in order. Simply, if your mind is vacant your body and reality will show that emptiness. Comparing the present to the past is truly a worthless endeavor. Thus the responsibility for the current state of mental, spiritual and physical is mine alone to shoulder. The only person who stole my Mojo is me! Well, as I grow up just a little more, I am going to have to kindly demand it back. Dare I say an enhanced version is truly in order. Stay tuned!!!!


Friday, April 6, 2012

Sometimes 3 is just 3

Birthday season for my family is officially OVER! Daddy has the first birthdate, then me and last my daughter. We are each 7 days a part and I take birthdays VEEEEERY seriously. This is the first year my daughter seemed to really care about her birthday. Through the excitement of the upcoming party and seeing her friends, I realized that she was totally getting into it. It made me think about the dynamics of the birthday! 

The first birthday is completely for the parents, family and friends. Poor little ones just want to gurgle, take a nap, cruise or sit down somewhere. I get it, I feel that way at most parties myself! Two is about the beginning of mayhem! Watching the little ones run and crash into each other is the deal for the day. The third birthday seems to be a lot cooler. My daughter was happy to greet friends at the door. She was totally invested in the entertainment  (okay, to an extent, not really totally invested) and watching people party because it was "her fun". Being the leader that she is, (okay she is bossy) she  made sure all were playing and participating in the fun of the day. She is a hands on hostess!

As we embark on three years old, I am thinking about all the advancement we currently enjoy. Going to the bathroom independently, choosing what to eat and feeding oneself, so many strides have been made in a relatively short amount of time. However, we have all new phases to learn about. Not used to tantrums, now opinions and feelings can be verbalized. The will power is pretty much insurmountable at times. All of this physiological growth and complex personality development tends to catch me off guard. I find myself looking at my child like she is an alien being. After a really interesting, bathroom "I want to take my own shirt off" tantrum I wondered out loud, "who are you?". Yes I literally said it OUT LOUD!!!  For anyone who knows my daughter, you know she has a very old soul. Many have found themselves confiding in her and seeking advice. She is an extremely easy person to talk to and at times she has an uncanny sense of apathy. Which can draw a person to further share with her. But she is only 3!

Sometimes, when I think of how children are able to selectively express their capabilities. We see them develop with personalities, confidences, fears, friendships, and proclivities. I have said it before, but its amazing to me that these small people function totally and completely as such! I want her to explore and express her genius, while I am pushing for her to absorb every cultural and educational stimuli placed in front of her, I have to remind myself (now especially) that sometimes we have to let 3 just be 3 and love it!

Another year for us has begun...lets see what this 40plusBaby has in store!!!

Happy Easter to you and yours 

This is where we celebrated: